I hate it...

Don't talk to me about politics. I hate it. I hate them. I hate those that spout about their politics. I hate pompous wankers that impose their views as if they are better than you. I hate those who make it a point to tell you about their cause, and then refuse your point of view. They are all a waste of this wonderful planet's waning space. I hate politicians when they preach with fake intent to omprove our lives and make things better. Lets face it, the only thing a politician is interested in is his own popularity. I don't for one minute believe there are any politicians 'doing it' for the people. At some point in time they have a little agenda... People complain about lawyers, but they are a treat in comparison. However, politicians come a close second to religious preachers, nuts who have no interest in faith just mayhem - but don't get me started on those c**ts... or I will be here all day.

I don't do politics. Not interested. Don't care about it, you or them. Don't care if you're a lefty commie bastard or a right-wing Nazi - or even if you're on the fence you gutless pussy. Don't care if you are monster raving loony or a terrorist-cum-save the planet pot smoker. Don't care. Be an extremist if you are that fucking stupid - martyr yourself and die for your cause - that will teach them. You're dead you moron .... how is that going to make your life or your family's any better? How is it going to bring sympathy to your plight? I am just sick to death of hearing about it. I don't give a rats arse about who is doing what to who, how and when. Both sides are to blame for their intolerance, they kill themselves or innocent people and hide behind their 'god' or 'country' or whatever pathetic excuse these cowards conjure up. What people like this don't realise, and not just the Middle East crisis, is that for me and many others around the world we don't really care anymore. We are bored of hearing about another martyr killing in a market cafe, a bomb here in the name of god or some other garbage excuse to kill. We lose sympathy for your cause, even if you are right. Eventually people switch off and watch the game. So called politicians and extremist cowards who kill for pleasure should stop and realise it takes a bigger man (or woman) to accept, compromise and tolerate. And use that energy for something better like looking after your family rather than depriving them of their only son!

Most importantly however - don't drag me into your in-bred ignorant world, don't cross my path with your bullshit, and don't for one minute impose your shit on me. All I care about simple basic everyday tolerance, that understanding and getting on with it. I live in the UAE that has its own politics. Whether I agree with it or not I just get on with it, focus my attention on what is important. Be the best I can be with my conscience as my faith, look after my family and friends and try to acheive the best for them and me. Reading world news highlights many idle hands itching to upset the flow. Of course stand up for what you believe in, freedom of speech and whatever your rights are etc.. but don't cross the line or don't cross my line. You want tolerance and understanding - then be the first to give it.

Here we go here we go...

Its a month of sport. French Open, NBA Finals, Football World Cup, Tour de France and Wimbledon! Me, the cheesy poofs, a crafty Savannah and the TV. Does it get any better than that? I guess I could think of a couple of things to add to the list but would no doubt get shot by feminists.

Its amazing how comatosed we can get in front of a TV broadcasting sports. I know I can totally lose track of everything around me, and see or hear nothing. And sometimes on purpose too. The idea of trying to concentrate on more than the TV is draining frankly. Stanger yet is the fact that we can stay rivited to the box showing the world's most boring and pointless games, such as Togo Vs Uzbekistan - it's completely irrelevant but we really don't care cos its the world cup. Vindaloo La La!

Masses will flock to local drinking holes to congregate around small screens and shout encouragement - I don't think they can hear you by the way but cheer away fella - and then end up drinking themselves stupid regardless if they won or lost - either one is a great excuse really.

For most of the events I will veg at home on the couch, but will adventure out to the beer tents to watch certain games and show the flag (both actually). Lets hope this time its worth the effort....

Funny quotes...


1) Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

2) Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses (Mrs) every chance he gets."

3) Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

4) Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

5) A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have Snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Frank, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

6) US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them!"

7) Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

Interesting facts - Week june 12th

1. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite

2. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it

3. 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die during the movie

4. To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles

5. You're most likely to win the UK's Lotto if you buy your ticket on a Saturday rather than a Wednesday. Because you are more likely to die before the number draw than win

6. In York, it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow - except on Sundays

7. No piece of square dry paper can be folded in half more than 7 times

8. An average human loses about 200 head hairs per day

9. In Alaska, it is legal to shoot bears. However, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited

10. Mexico City sinks about 10 inches a year

Two great articles...

Thanks to my friends at The Sun.

It seems the great British tradition of not handling our alcohol very well and being hooligans surfaced recently as a British Chess Grandmaster got into a boozy scuffle with a rival over a young chess queen.

Answer me this, what is a 19 year old hottie doing playing chess in the first place when a strip club would be a better stage to express her skills...? And I'd have loved to see the chess dorks bitch slapping and scratching each others eyes out.....! Popcorn at the ready.


The other tickler was an interesting article on what goes through numbnut parents' minds as they decide what to call their new born. Now tell me who is a) evil enough or b) stupid enough to name some poor Kid Damian when born on the 6/6/06. Is that not tempting fate? Especially when done on purpose!

I think the word morons come to mind.

Intersesting facts - week 6th June...

1. The greatest recorded number of children that have been born by one mother is 69! She gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and a measly 4 sets of quadruplets

2. Every 5 seconds a computer gets infected with a virus

3. 13% of Americans actually believe that some parts of the moon are made of cheese

4. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910

5. Fish that live more than 800 meters below the ocean surface don't have eyes

6. Hydrogen is an explosive gas. Oxygen supports combustion. Yet when these are combined it is water which is used to put out fires

7. The Ramses brand condom is named after the great Pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children

8. Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors

9. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts – Charlemagne, Clubs - Alexander the Great and Diamonds - Julius Caesar

10. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak

The mind boggles…

1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape
4. Do you think illiterate people get the full affect of alphabet soup?
5. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific
6. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
7. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
8. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is
9. One out of every three friends is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you
10. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem

Never take it for granted...

This week I've managed to stay away from the blog as my son was over for a 8 days along with the psycho ex!!! Counting to ten.

I don't get to see the little monkey that often so when I pay for them to come on holiday I kinda expect to be allowed to see him for 'me' time. What a battle. I do take care of my son, I spend as much time as possible with him and provide for him very well. So well that she only works 2 days a week in the UK. But as this situation develops it seems like I am doing too much for her under the guise that its for my son. Well no more.

I managed to get him to myself for 4 hours on three separate days of 8 that she was here. I even took time off work - but she chose those days to do activitied with him. I had to get rather angry and she did back down. When I got my son to myself we had a great time. A four year old and my four year old mentality had a blast. But there were constraints. I wasn't to introduce him to my new partner, or leave him with my family - gran and aunt. Or my priveleges would be revoked. Well fuck her. My mother and sister have every right to see him and he really likes them, including his cousin. I introduced him to my partner and they had a blast. So now things are going to change. No longer will she use my son to dictate terms so that I can see him. I always thought she'd never come to play these games, but she uses it too much and what I assumed was good motherhood turned out to be manipulation.

I have now made it clear I won't pay to not see my son grow up. Its that simple. I am not going to entertain time with him in her presence - she lets me have him, even overnight, or I won't provide at all for everyday she refuses me time alone to see my son. She's now going to get her allowance cut in half (which is still substantailly more than the minimum expected of me by UK Law). She can get her lazy arse to work and earn her three bedroom house, car and other materialistic things I provide as a lure to see him. And if she stops me altogether then the money stops completely.

Those of you who think it will derail my son's life, well I have thought of that. My father was always travelling and did all he could, but it wasn't always great - didn't turn me into an axe murderer! My son will still grow up no matter what I do. She chooses whether or not I am involved but if she stops me from seeing him, then I will stop paying. All that money will go to a trust that he will receive when he's 21. Its now going to be on my terms. And don't come at me with that guilt and crap father rubbish. Its been 4 years I've dealt with this shit. I aint doing it anymore.

You are annoying me....

Stop pissing me off with your stupid email virus warnings. It’s not a virus. You are. Forwarding to millions a stupid warning about a virus only slows down email, clogs up everyone’s systems until email grinds to a halt and becomes the virus. If you don’t have an anti-virus you’re a moron. You deserve to be infected. If you have one, don’t use it and get infected you’re an even bigger moron. If you’re even more stupid to open attachments from people you don’t know then shoot yourself. Now. It’s fuckwits like you that steal our air.

But I am not done. I don’t suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain emails sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Nepal with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates or Walt Disney is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "the special" email, $1000? Are you that much of a retard? "Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!" You’re a cock.

All these mails are bullshit. Maybe the evil chain letter demons will come to sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower. Fuck them. If you're going to send me anything, make it at least mildly amusing. I am bored with all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, so a poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a penny from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 zillion times. I don't fucking care.

Also don’t forward me get rich quick crap because I am not a retard. I will not send my name to some African renegade exiled leader for my fairy tale share of 25 Million Dollars that he of course wants to share with me. Is that a flying pig? Are you really that fucking in-bred that you actually believe its true? And those who have got stung I laugh at your gullibility. No sympathy, go back to surfing for porn.

Now listen I have better things to do than sift through your garbage. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life or offering the worlds riches for nothing, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss me and others off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 pence per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

English...

Today's ebonic word is from the Louisiana Public School System:

"OMELET"


Let's use it in a sentence....

"I should pop yo ass fo wha you jus did, but omelet dis one slide."

Its a killer...


The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. What kills you is speaking English.

Funny quotes...

1. Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel On This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

2. Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

3. Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil tell us about your amazing third leg."

4. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

5. James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Rubens Barrichello?"

No comment....

What is the meaning of it all...

Reflecting this week, I've done all I can to stay away from technology including blogging, but have had one of those 'few days' where you tend to ask yourself the usual life altering questions. Why am I here? Why am I doing this? For whom? And for What?

I've put up some more facts for you to read but begrudgingly. I didn't want to access my PC and didn't want to deal with the noddies that spend their lives without foresight or presence of mind to look beyond the tip of their noses!

So why am I here? Is it because I am a 25 year veteran of the UAE and this has become my home? Or the disdain for living in the UK (or most of Europe for that matter) with its foul weather, poor living standards and pessimistic population? Or am I a sunshine nut? Perhaps the Ostrich syndrome is what I am suffering from. A deep breath and world map will allow me to find somewhere where the grass could be greener... but am not so sure. I think the cycle of taking things here for granted, of how good we do have it in the UAE comes and goes. But Why? It's obviously the foundations of this place where everything is inshallah! I hate that. It's incompetence and arrogant. Too many say and don't do, and if they did imagine where this place could really be or acheive. Its just stuck in a hugely progressive vision managed by retards. And when they piss me off, let me down, lie and cause me headaches, reflection over a cold one is always the next step. Or a baseball bat to the knees..

There is such a culture clash that it becomes a norm, and yes I should expect these noddies to be the way they are, but not when they start to be calculating. Being incompetent is easy to handle, but being calculatingly stupid to derail others enrages me. I guess now you see why I am venting! Having gone through this cycle many times, I guess I know how to deal with it. But it still grinds me.

You're gonna tell me know that it happens in all walks of life, all cultures and all places. But I think you will agree that here it just seems to be a way of life rather than an excpetion.

Interesting facts - Week May 24th...

1) It is impossible to lick your elbow
2) Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair
3) Coca-Cola originally contained cocaine
4) 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts
5) In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere
6) If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
7) More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call
8) The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language
9) The Eiffel Tower in Paris weighs over 1000 elephants
10) In 1879, a mail service in Belgium employed 37 cats to carry bundles of letters to villages around the town of Liege, this experiment was shorted-lived as the cats proved thoroughly undisciplined